The last week and a half have been really good. I don't know why we had that awful patch there for a few days.
I did talk to Thelly about whether this was really a road he wanted to go down again (as in the out of control tantrums for hours every day-road). We discussed the fact that he has a choice when he can tell he is getting upset to let those feeling escalate or get them back under control. We talked about the things he can do including praying and asking Heavenly Father for help.
It's possible that the conversation helped. There have been a few times when he has started to get agitated and he seems to make a conscious choice to relax. But then again, it could be an entirely random or drug induced mellow phase. I truly don't know. But I'm very, very happy about it.
Here are some other encouraging signs-as if the lack of blood drawing fits weren't good enough all on it's own.
Math is going well. He improves every day and chooses to do math over any other subject.
I've noticed him making an effort to join in conversations with other kids and adults. He has also started asking questions again which is something he used to do but I thought it lessened with the medications and I'm glad to see it return since it's a part of his personality.
But mostly I was impressed when he used a screw driver to remove the broken remnants of Monkey's chain guard from his bike. I had nothing to do with that whatsoever. He saw the problem, recognized the tool he needed to fix it, found the tool, used the tool and (of course) put the tool away when he was done using it. For that he got out of doing any more school work for the rest of the day. Which wasn't as extreme as it sounds since it was 3:30 pm when he told me what he had done. But I was grateful for an excuse to stop trying to get him to do work he wasn't going to do anyway. And he was grateful that I stopped trying to make him do work that he wasn't going to do anyway. So it was a reward well received.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I Think This Is Profound
I don't judge people because I think it's fun or even because I want to think I am better than other people-most of the time. I judge people because it's my way of protecting myself. If a person has problems that are of their own making then I don't have to worry about having those problems myself.
Easy example: a fat person has a heart attack, I think "I exercise and I'm not fat so I will not have a heart attack." It's easy I'm protected, now I don't have to worry about it happening to me.
A little harder: a teenager is rebellious and gets into trouble, I think "I will be a better parent, teach the gospel better, read scriptures more than they did and as a result my kids won't behave that way." Now I don't have to worry about my kids. It's such a relief.
Judging is my way of telling myself that I am in control of what happens to me and that if I do things right I won't have to suffer things that I don't want to suffer.
If I make the right choices I won't be depressed, I won't have physical ailments and the people in my life will follow my example and make good choices too so no one will ever hurt me.
It's not true of course. And it's also not kind. But it does make me feel a little better to recognize that I'm not a mean person. I'm just trying to protect myself from stress and worry. And I think that's a different-perhaps less villainous-type of self interestedness than judging just so I can show that I'm superior.
And it might help a little to recognize that people who judge me are almost certainly doing the same thing. They are trying to protect themselves from having to suffer things that they don't want to suffer. And that's okay. I can't blame them. They'll probably find out they were wrong for judging me at some point. And if they don't I should be happy for them. Right?
Why do you think you judge people? (Wow, only my third post and already I'm asking questions!)
Easy example: a fat person has a heart attack, I think "I exercise and I'm not fat so I will not have a heart attack." It's easy I'm protected, now I don't have to worry about it happening to me.
A little harder: a teenager is rebellious and gets into trouble, I think "I will be a better parent, teach the gospel better, read scriptures more than they did and as a result my kids won't behave that way." Now I don't have to worry about my kids. It's such a relief.
Judging is my way of telling myself that I am in control of what happens to me and that if I do things right I won't have to suffer things that I don't want to suffer.
If I make the right choices I won't be depressed, I won't have physical ailments and the people in my life will follow my example and make good choices too so no one will ever hurt me.
It's not true of course. And it's also not kind. But it does make me feel a little better to recognize that I'm not a mean person. I'm just trying to protect myself from stress and worry. And I think that's a different-perhaps less villainous-type of self interestedness than judging just so I can show that I'm superior.
And it might help a little to recognize that people who judge me are almost certainly doing the same thing. They are trying to protect themselves from having to suffer things that they don't want to suffer. And that's okay. I can't blame them. They'll probably find out they were wrong for judging me at some point. And if they don't I should be happy for them. Right?
Why do you think you judge people? (Wow, only my third post and already I'm asking questions!)
Monday, March 21, 2011
He's Definitely Worse
Friday's episode was bad and I was a little worried that it might be foreshadowing of things to come. But in the last few months since the medications have stabilized there have continued to be occasional tantrums. On average I think about once a month and not bad enough to require any real intervention from us to keep from breaking things or hurting himself. So I hoped it was just another of those isolated incidents.
And then there was another fit on Saturday that kept him from going to Karate. And then another one Sunday that lasted so long we finally went in and laid down on top of him to help him calm down. And tonight I was cleaning blood out of the carpet again.
One encouraging point is that he seems more self aware and able to articulate what's bothering him and what kind of help he needs. But seriously, that's not much in the way of positives. We'll see how tomorrow goes. But I'm more than a little concerned about the trajectory we seem to be on. I guess I probably need to call the Dr.
And then there was another fit on Saturday that kept him from going to Karate. And then another one Sunday that lasted so long we finally went in and laid down on top of him to help him calm down. And tonight I was cleaning blood out of the carpet again.
One encouraging point is that he seems more self aware and able to articulate what's bothering him and what kind of help he needs. But seriously, that's not much in the way of positives. We'll see how tomorrow goes. But I'm more than a little concerned about the trajectory we seem to be on. I guess I probably need to call the Dr.
Friday, March 18, 2011
They tell me that someday he will thank me. It's probably not true, but it should be.
Thelly had a rough morning. He's been working on greatest common factors all week in math. He knows how to do them but he's slow at it. I kept thinking that he just needed more practice and as it got easier he would go faster. But instead I think he's getting more and more bored and so he's getting slower. I've considered letting him skip the rest of the lesson, but decided it's good practice and good for him to see that he has to do the whole thing and is capable of getting it done eventually. (I have told him several times that if he starts working quickly he can skip some because that will tell me that he knows it really well and doesn't need to do them all. But that clearly is not happening.)
I did decide that it might be best to take a break and switch things up though, so this morning we started with reading. Specifically answering comprehension questions. And it was not going well. He restated the question just fine but when it come to the answer he stared yelling and hitting the table, saying that it was too long and he didn't want to write that much. I reminded him that the reason I had never homeschooled him before was because I was not willing to deal with his yelling and hitting all day long. I've told him that if he's going to yell and hit and not do work, he might as well sit in Mr. Hardin's class and not do work. At least he doesn't yell and hit when he's there.
He did not calm down and he did not work. He kept yelling and hitting and crying. (I have to remember that these tantrums are about half the intensity of the pre-medication tantrums, but still they're not fun and they're complete unproductive.) So after several bluffs and false starts I finally loaded him in the car and drove off to the school. The whole time I'm thinking "what in the world am I going to do if he doesn't calm down. He's not supposed to be to school for another hour. I've withdrawn him from school. I don't really have the option to just drop him off when I can't handle him and say-'here, you take him, I've had enough today'-" I really don't know what they would have done with him.
They have actually been extremely nice and willing to work with us and his bizarre schedule, so I thought there was a chance they would just let him sit in the office for an hour. Or they would actually send him to Mr. Hardin's class, where he would sit and do nothing because he doesn't have a notebook or books or anything there. And Mr Hardin would probably not be too thrilled since he is offended that I took Thelly out of his class. Still he might see it as a victory. He might love the fact that I couldn't get him to work at home either and had to send him back.
Anyway when I got to the school I could see that there was a long line of cars waiting to go through the drop off lane. On the rare (roughly twice a year) occasions that I do take my kids to school I always drop them off across the street so I don't have to sit in that line. But today, of course, I picked the one that seemed likely to move the slowest. And even though other parents were letting their kids out all along the way, I told Thelly he could stay in the car until we got up to the office, but then he would have to get out.
When we finally got to the point where I could procrastinate no longer I put the car in park and told him it was time to get out. He said he couldn't stop crying and he couldn't go. I said I knew he would stop crying as soon as he got out of the car and that if I had to drag him out of the car and drive away I would do that. This isn't the first time I have lived out that part of this scenario, and so I knew I was right about the crying, he would be fine. But I said if you tell me the answer to the question I will take you home so you can write it.
He told me the answer through his tears and sobs and we went home, with me telling him all the way that they only reason we were going back was because he had told me the answer and that if he didn't write it as soon as we got there I would put him back in the car and take him back. He wept and cried and said he couldn't do it, but when we got back he sat down and wrote.
He didn't stop wailing and saying "I can't do it, but I have to. I can't do it but I have to," for at least 15 minutes. But he was writing the whole time. And when he was done with the first question we moved on to the next one.
Actually, I stopped and gave him a hug for a minute or two because I thought he might finally stop crying and the howling was hurting my ears. But he didn't stop and so I just talked really loud as I helped him figure out the answer to the next question. And he wrote that one too. This time his mantra had changed to "I don't want to, but I have to." Which I thought was progress.
He stopped crying right about the time he finished the second question, which also happened to be the exact right time to quit working and take him to the school for specials. I'm not sure if it would have been better to have stayed and done the next question or if that would have started him going again. Either way, the crying stopped. And he did something that he didn't think he could do. So I'm calling it a win for the day.
And now it's time to go back and get him because specials only last for 45 minutes on Friday and there's a 40 minute gap between specials and resource so my whole day is spent going back and forth on Friday. Fun, fun!
I did decide that it might be best to take a break and switch things up though, so this morning we started with reading. Specifically answering comprehension questions. And it was not going well. He restated the question just fine but when it come to the answer he stared yelling and hitting the table, saying that it was too long and he didn't want to write that much. I reminded him that the reason I had never homeschooled him before was because I was not willing to deal with his yelling and hitting all day long. I've told him that if he's going to yell and hit and not do work, he might as well sit in Mr. Hardin's class and not do work. At least he doesn't yell and hit when he's there.
He did not calm down and he did not work. He kept yelling and hitting and crying. (I have to remember that these tantrums are about half the intensity of the pre-medication tantrums, but still they're not fun and they're complete unproductive.) So after several bluffs and false starts I finally loaded him in the car and drove off to the school. The whole time I'm thinking "what in the world am I going to do if he doesn't calm down. He's not supposed to be to school for another hour. I've withdrawn him from school. I don't really have the option to just drop him off when I can't handle him and say-'here, you take him, I've had enough today'-" I really don't know what they would have done with him.
They have actually been extremely nice and willing to work with us and his bizarre schedule, so I thought there was a chance they would just let him sit in the office for an hour. Or they would actually send him to Mr. Hardin's class, where he would sit and do nothing because he doesn't have a notebook or books or anything there. And Mr Hardin would probably not be too thrilled since he is offended that I took Thelly out of his class. Still he might see it as a victory. He might love the fact that I couldn't get him to work at home either and had to send him back.
Anyway when I got to the school I could see that there was a long line of cars waiting to go through the drop off lane. On the rare (roughly twice a year) occasions that I do take my kids to school I always drop them off across the street so I don't have to sit in that line. But today, of course, I picked the one that seemed likely to move the slowest. And even though other parents were letting their kids out all along the way, I told Thelly he could stay in the car until we got up to the office, but then he would have to get out.
When we finally got to the point where I could procrastinate no longer I put the car in park and told him it was time to get out. He said he couldn't stop crying and he couldn't go. I said I knew he would stop crying as soon as he got out of the car and that if I had to drag him out of the car and drive away I would do that. This isn't the first time I have lived out that part of this scenario, and so I knew I was right about the crying, he would be fine. But I said if you tell me the answer to the question I will take you home so you can write it.
He told me the answer through his tears and sobs and we went home, with me telling him all the way that they only reason we were going back was because he had told me the answer and that if he didn't write it as soon as we got there I would put him back in the car and take him back. He wept and cried and said he couldn't do it, but when we got back he sat down and wrote.
He didn't stop wailing and saying "I can't do it, but I have to. I can't do it but I have to," for at least 15 minutes. But he was writing the whole time. And when he was done with the first question we moved on to the next one.
Actually, I stopped and gave him a hug for a minute or two because I thought he might finally stop crying and the howling was hurting my ears. But he didn't stop and so I just talked really loud as I helped him figure out the answer to the next question. And he wrote that one too. This time his mantra had changed to "I don't want to, but I have to." Which I thought was progress.
He stopped crying right about the time he finished the second question, which also happened to be the exact right time to quit working and take him to the school for specials. I'm not sure if it would have been better to have stayed and done the next question or if that would have started him going again. Either way, the crying stopped. And he did something that he didn't think he could do. So I'm calling it a win for the day.
And now it's time to go back and get him because specials only last for 45 minutes on Friday and there's a 40 minute gap between specials and resource so my whole day is spent going back and forth on Friday. Fun, fun!
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