I don't judge people because I think it's fun or even because I want to think I am better than other people-most of the time. I judge people because it's my way of protecting myself. If a person has problems that are of their own making then I don't have to worry about having those problems myself.
Easy example: a fat person has a heart attack, I think "I exercise and I'm not fat so I will not have a heart attack." It's easy I'm protected, now I don't have to worry about it happening to me.
A little harder: a teenager is rebellious and gets into trouble, I think "I will be a better parent, teach the gospel better, read scriptures more than they did and as a result my kids won't behave that way." Now I don't have to worry about my kids. It's such a relief.
Judging is my way of telling myself that I am in control of what happens to me and that if I do things right I won't have to suffer things that I don't want to suffer.
If I make the right choices I won't be depressed, I won't have physical ailments and the people in my life will follow my example and make good choices too so no one will ever hurt me.
It's not true of course. And it's also not kind. But it does make me feel a little better to recognize that I'm not a mean person. I'm just trying to protect myself from stress and worry. And I think that's a different-perhaps less villainous-type of self interestedness than judging just so I can show that I'm superior.
And it might help a little to recognize that people who judge me are almost certainly doing the same thing. They are trying to protect themselves from having to suffer things that they don't want to suffer. And that's okay. I can't blame them. They'll probably find out they were wrong for judging me at some point. And if they don't I should be happy for them. Right?
Why do you think you judge people? (Wow, only my third post and already I'm asking questions!)
For me, if I'm honest with myself, it's probably a little of both. I wish I could say that I am completely free from the disease of elevating myself above others, but I recognize that I am not. As I get older and experience more, I do realize how narrow my judgments are and see the beam in myself. I guess experience and age are really the only two things that can teach us not to judge.
ReplyDeleteI got a lot of judgy-ness wrung out of me with my first child, who taught me that I am not in control of nearly as many things as I thought I was. Every time I start judging someone else's kid or someone else's parenting, I remember that I have no idea what the real situation is. However, that doesn't mean I don't still judge people, and sometimes I judge them harshly, for reasons I have not yet determined. It's kind of frustrating, actually--because my theory is that I must be doing it because I actually am a mean person. Which is not a fun thing to think about.
ReplyDelete